Daily Meditations from John N N Ng'ang'a: Week of 29 August – 4 September 2011— How do you Avoid Sexual Sin

Day 1

1 Thessalonians 4:3

It is God’s will that you should be sanctified: that you should avoid sexual immorality

We have seen that if one wants to live righteously, he has to fight off sexual sin. Matthew Chapter 5 offers an excellent explanation of what sexual sin is…it is lusting after sex . If you don’t sin in the mind, you are unlikely to commit sexual sin physically. Often, when we confront sinners, you may get the question, "Did you catch me?" or "Where were you?" or "Although she slept in my bedroom, I never slept with her." The Bible doesn’t only condemn when you  sleep with her, even  thinking of sexually sinning with her is sin!

Remember we are answering the question, how can you live righteously? So the first answer is: take a biblical view of what is sexual sin.

Then  please do not ignore biology! I know you were taught how the body works in a reproduction class. When you embrace a girl, your  temperatures might start rising to tell you that you are biologically normal. If you can embrace a girl and nothing happens, that might mean we may need to take you to hospital. That is the way God created us—when people reach teenage and after teenage, the sexual touch of a woman body should cause any man biologically okay to feel a difference.

If the look or touch of a woman doesn’t affect you it might  not mean you are holy. You might have a biological problem. Holiness does not stop the body functioning normally. There is no pretending about it. That’s why a lot of men of God have ended up in sin because they thought they were so holy nothing could happen.

Day 2

Mark 7:21

For it is from within, out of a person’s heart, that evil thoughts come—sexual immorality, theft, murder

When we were in the university there used to be a popular song which used to be sang by a choir we used to call Explosion Choir . I later realized the song was unbiblical. You know what the song was—I have gone too far to look back again. People of my age will remember the song. It was a very popular song in Nairobi. The idea you can become so holy you have no ability to sin while still on earth is not in the Bible anywhere. There is no time you will be so holy the devil stops tempting you.

So the idea that I am so deep in the Lord, even if she was lying on me I will not be sexually aroused…is  a lie! The only way that can be true is if there is something wrong with you biologically. If there is something wrong with you biologically, for example if you are a homosexual that will be true. Are you surprised that we are ending up with so many homosexual problems today? Why? When young people these days embrace each other and claim they don’t feel anything, some of them it is true they don’t feel anything because they are homosexuals. So if you are a homosexual even if a girl comes and lies on you, even if she goes naked, does it affect you? May be Not.

But it means you have a biological problem. So instead of saying you are strong, we should be taking you to hospital or praying for you… or may be casting out some demons.

I still remember one of my friends whom we were preaching with who shared with me that the girlfriend, a sister in the Lord, had gotten pregnant. And by the way he chose to tell me in the middle of a weekend in ministry. We were somewhere very far away from Nairobi preaching on a long weekend. In between he said, you know Brother Ng’ang’a I have been wanting to share with you. Something has gone wrong. But the man was so deep in the Lord I didn’t know how it could happen. So I asked him, "Please be frank. What happened? How could it have happened?" Bwere him and the girl friend were very deep in the Lord. For them they wanted to serve the Lord for quite a number of years, so they were not intending to marry soon .But they were still good friends, for they felt the Lord had led them together. He explained very simply that the girlfriend was visiting one Saturday afternoon. They were just meeting and then the girlfriend wanted to cook, so she went to his kitcehn. He then follows her  to the kitchen, then they start playing with each other,like it is a joke, then they found themselves on a chair . He said, "Honestly, Brother Ng’ang’a I can’t remember what happened but she is pregnant."

I have another story of another brother in the Lord who explained to me that they didn’t even sleep together yet she became pregnant. They were fully dressed as they played but she still got pregnant. Have you heard of those stories? They became wet and that wetness is all that was required for the girl to get pregnant. And you know because they are close Christian friends I know it is not a joke and I know they are not lying .They actually all later repented and restored in the Lord and they have been serving the Lord ever since.

Non-Christians do it ten times and nothing happens. But it seems when a Christian girl tries even once, she becomes pregnant ……you need to understand it is not something you should try. It all starts with thinking that you are too strong to fall. That’s why I am emphasizing you need to understand very clearly that God is good to you, He has made you biologically ok. So when you sit next to a woman who is not your wife and she starts to feel nice and then touches you and you feel hot, the first thing you say, halleluiah I am normal. Then immediately say, "Let me run away, like Joseph son of Jacob."

So the body reaction is not something to be unhappy about, it is something to be grateful to God that you are normal. Isn’t that a blessing from the Lord? There are many people who are not normal. So for you sister, brother, be happy that you are normal. But having known you are normal, do not play with your sexual senses ,take off like Joseph. Don’t talk, don’t negotiate; take off at ‘Kipchoge’   speed !

Day 3

1 cor 3:16-7

Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you?

If any man defiles the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are.

It is very important to understand that I am not just talking about young people. I am also talking to married people because even for married people, that’s what happens. Sometimes you are even just counseling a woman  and you have no intention of ever, ever getting involved  with her . Yet one thing leads to another and you finally become sexually involved despite being ‘happily ‘married to your wife .

One of the longest chapters in my book, Leadership King David Style is on David's failure to manage his sexual drive despite being a man of God. The biggest problem and which failed  David was how to manage his sexual drive. Even when he was an old man, he was still having trouble. The things I am talking about are actually better stated in my  book. I would encourage you to pick it, and read the chapter on this. I looked at David. He was such a great friend of God but he forgot he is biologically blessed. And just that forgetting he is biologically okay got him to become not only an adulterer but also a murderer.

Many, many married people have ended up in trouble because they ignored their biology. So sister don’t start imagining that you can take risks with your counselor because he is such a holy man… that you can come for counseling with him in a secret place. He is very human. He is blessed biologically. If you know he is blessed, be aware. It is dangerous to put him in a tempting situation.. If he tells you, "Lock  that door behind you", ask him, "Why?If he is 'normal' you should not ask me  to Lock  the door…. however holy you are, you are also biologically okay and once you are, then it means a woman if a man, will tempt you’.

Day 4

Colossians3:5

Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry

This is not a matter of only men, it is both  men and women . People say men act on sight, and that is true. In fact somebody says men are more like a gas cooker  sexually and women are like an electric cooker. However both of them will finally be hot enough to cook… so it doesn’t quite matter whether man or woman. The only difference is the man will ‘cook’ faster and quickly but the woman will still ‘cook’. The trouble with the woman is as bad as of man over time.… Once a man sees, before he realizes… trouble has happened. A woman is different. It will take time but once she has reached hot peak, even pouring water on the cooker, it will still cook. And that’s the trouble with women. Once they are gone past that point, I hear she will even try to ‘rape’ the man. You have heard of those stories?

So do not imagine because you are a sister in the Lord it will not happen. There is a point up to which you might be ok, as long as that point is not reached, your mind is in control. And as long as your mind is in control you are aware of what God says and you will be saying no to him. Sister, the moment you go past that, the boy doesn’t have to do anything. You will be the one calling him ,even undressing him. Later you can say he raped you but you are lying. The truth is it could be said you are the one who raped him. You refused to run away in good time

It is the way God has created us. Up to a point you are in control, beyond that point you are out of control. So the question is, since there is that period of build up (and I am telling you men have a shorter span, women have a longer one,) you must escape before then. The good thing with the man he might wake up faster to what has happened , the woman might take a long time to wake up to the issue. Both of them are trapped. So what we are saying  is …. understand your biology. Do not play around thinking that it is okay… after all he is such a holy man. No, no no. If you love your marriage, please play the Joseph trick. Do you remember the Joseph trick? Once he realized what the woman was up to he left her with his clothes. It is better to be in heaven naked than in a room clothed in sin .

So it is very important that you understand that many, many spiritual people, are going wrong because of thinking they are strong. They start imagining that because they are spiritually okay, they are Spirit filled, heavenly packaged, they start thinking there is something wrong with them biologically.

Thus my point is that if you truly want to live a righteous life in your marriage or as a single person, please accept that God has blessed you biologically, and because He has blessed you biologically it means that you must know how to manage your time with people of the opposite sex. Are we together?

Day 5

Exodus 20

14 "You shall not commit adultery.

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Thirdly, it is important to understand and obey  God’s commandments. We don’t seem to be teaching the ten commandments of God any more. We are emphasizing the miracles of God and not teaching the commandments. Especially among Pentecostals, almost any service you go to, they are talking about the miracles. Come to Jesus for a miracle. I want to remind you that the same miracle worker is also a commandment giver. And a lot of us in church, if you ask somebody to recite  the ten commandments, if he gives you six, please congratulate him. Yet the original church you could not get baptized unless you knew all the ten, memorized them. Do you know even the creed, the Anglicans might know, most Pentecostals have no idea of the creed and yet the importance of the creed was the way it  summarizes the Bible. These things are important to know so that if you find somebody teaching something different, you know he is a cult.

You know what I am talking about? We are saying if you truly want to know God, then the word of God must become your guide. Isn’t it? You must stop having a worldly worldview. Remember we talked about worldview before? Now start having a biblical worldview. And how do you get  a biblical worldview? By saturating your head with the Bible. The psalmist says, thy word have I hidden in my heart that I might not sin against you. That’s really is my recommendation, if you want to live a righteous life. You need to read the Bible on a daily basis and don’t just read it. Read it as the word of God speaking to you. Don’t read it like Ngugi wa Thiong’o’s Grain Of Wheat. You have to read it as God speaking to you. Hearing God. memorizing God’s word. That is why to me you must read it in  every way. Please read it in your quiet time but also belong to a Bible study group. And why do I recommend a Bible Study group. Because a lot of our churches have become conferences. You can’t ask a question. You cannot get someone to deal with your questions . So you need to draw away from your large church to a small group where you can share with one another what you are not understanding.

So it is important if you really want to deal with your philosophy of life, your biblical worldview, you get it by studying the word of God.

Day 6

Galatians5:19

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery

Then , you not only must have that biblical worldview, you must believe that God’s standards have not changed with time. Many assume even God  has to change with modernity. You know a lot of people say, but surely which girl is a virgin anymore? How can we still continue having that as a requirement? That is the question they are asking us these days.

They also ask: How can you speak against divorce? There are so many divorces. So it sounds like God must change his standards with time. Is that our Bible? The same way it was read in the first century, it reads the same way today and means the same. So you need to start understanding that God’s standards are not going to change.

You better change yourself rather than expect God’s standards to change. It will be important that you understand that.

Fourthly, I think it is important to understand there is nothing like safe sex. People advice you not to avoid sex but to avoid unsafe sex. Now I am talking about culture. Avoid taking the culture round you. One of the things that this culture talks about is safe sex. And how do you achieve safe sex? Having condoms. Am I right? You know first of all when you are talking about HIV/AIDS to non-christians, it is important to emphasize they need condoms. They are very, very important given their life style. But when you come to talking to Christians, you must start asking yourself, who is in control in his life. Once he tells you he is committed to God, he must ask himself why he is carrying condoms. Because when you carry condoms, you are just carrying it’ in case’. Now, in case… means just in case. But if you  imagine the case and you might create the case. Are you hearing me? And you know there are even wives who are suggesting to husbands, …’darling don’t go without condoms’. What are you telling him? That ‘in case you fall, I will understand only avoid aids’. Are you sure? It is okay you as a wife will understand, but will God understand? You know we have just said in the earlier point that God’s standards are not changing. Isn’t it? And there is no standard that allows you to operate on ‘incase’ basis.

So it is very important to understand that whereas condoms are okay for non-christians, (because for non-christians chochote chaweza kutokea(anything might haapen)) but for you ‘chochote’ is under God’s control. Isn’t it?

Day 7

Ephesians5:3

But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people

We are discussing how to avoid sexual immorality. So it is very important to know you cannot go into the condom carrying culture and still call yourself a Christian. And I am not suggesting that you stop carrying condoms because if you know you are a non-christian I encourage you to please continue carrying them. It is important that you understand me. I am not against condoms, I am only saying, know who you are. Once you know who you are as a Christian , then you cannot carry condoms. But if you know you might have sex, please carry condoms. So I am not suggesting you stop carrying. Please carry condoms until the day you totally surrender to God.

Although I am telling you, non-Christians, to carry condoms, please understand about condoms. Condoms are very effective but not a hundred percent. Have you read the literature? Sometimes they say they have even ninety percent performance in prevention of pregnancy. That’s a very high percentage, isn’t it? They can also prevent AIDS may be even  up to ninety percent. That’s why everybody commends them. They are useful.

However, let me ask you, if you are a father and your son has a gun, it is called the Russian roulette. It is a type of a gun with about five holes. You only put one live bullet in one hole, the other four have blanks. Would you try that gun on your son? Remember there is only twenty percent chance of killing him. Eighty percent -you can’t kill him. Am I communicating? Remember you can only kill him by a very small chance. If you pull the trigger, there is only twenty percent chance of killing him, eighty percent you cannot kill him. Tell me, would you use it on your son? Is there any father you know who would use it on their son?

That’s what condoms are. They are even better than eighty. Ninety percent possibility you will not get AIDS. Only ten percent chance you will get aids. Would you go ahead and use them with somebody who is not your wife ,whose sexual history you do not know or trust? Are you getting me? That even after you teach people about condoms usefulness, tell them the truth that if you use condoms, (and remember the girl does not know whether she has AIDS) you are taking a 10 % chance you will get aids.. Even if she was tested some time back and she was negative, remember unless she was tested recently, there is a possibility that it is there but yet to be identified.She may also be just a career but is not affected by it.

Also remember what they say is that when you sleep with a girl, you have slept with five others because you not only sleep with her ,but all those she has slept with in the past. Even if she herself looks a well behaved girl, the person she slept with the previous time, is he okay? And the one he himself had slept with. So sleeping with this woman means sleeping with five others… So in the end it means that if you are not in a monogamous marriage, even condoms cannot help you. Am I right?

Faithfulness in marriage and celibacy before then is what God demands , but it also will help with the fight against aids