John N N Ng’ang’a Meditation of March 24th, 2025…. Infidelity:lust is sin
Day 1
For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world
But what do you do if you have already fallen into sexual sin?... ask yourself, if you fall into mud, do you say I am going to put more mud on myself because after all I am in the mud? We will think you are mad, isn’t it? You are not a pig. You need to understand that even if you fall into sexual sin you still need a wedding before next sex.
Why? You are in a sin because you slept with the girl before the wedding day. If you are to do it again, you will be sinning yet again. So the solution is have a wedding. Don’t even bother giving us tea, it is okay to just go to the pastors office with a few witnesses. You just come to church, I hope your pastor will agree to do it. Then wed, then you can continue into marriage. Tea is not part of the system. It is not a requirement.Mandazis, are not part of the requirement.
All you need is a commitment ceremony because the idea is a man of God representing God and representing the government, now makes you make a long term commitment to each other. After the wedding, try to pull out of the wedding and see what will happen. Just wed in the morning and in the afternoon you want to divorce. Do you know even the courts in Kenya cannot allow you to divorce just like that? There will be a process and yet you might have signed without realizing the weight commitment .
Now, you need to understand clearly, the wedding certificate is something very, very important in the eyes of God and in the eyes of the state. It represents what the pastor has done on behalf of God.And so you need to understand that when we are talking about managing sexual drive, it is understanding that until the wedding day it will not be right for you in any way to be doing and continuing in it.
You know, sexual sin is having sex with anyone other than your wedded wife. So whether it is before you are married or after you are married, it will still be sexual sin to sleep with someone you have not formally married. We normally use the word fornication for the sin done by the people who are not married, and adultery we reserve for those who are already married.
There is something else they call casual sex. Casual sex is, about having sex without commitment. That is part of what we are calling sexual immorality. And you need to ask yourself whether you are involved in casual sex. Marriage is a lifelong commitment to one person. In other words the Bible says that marital sex is the only legal sex. So casual sex, oh no. We were on a trip in Mombasa and one thing led to the other and I slept with my passenger and so went to hell. It is very important to understand clearly that once you are committed to that man it doesn’t matter that he has become ugly over time. It has to be the same man until death do us part.
And that’s why we keep saying you should not enter into marriage in a hurry, you need to think clearly about it. Casual sex is using somebody as an instrument because then you have no commitment you do not care what they go through after that,for you have met your need. In other words the only thing you wanted from her is to use her for your sexual release. That is manipulation of human beings. And sometimes it is a girl who is manipulating you and it could be sometimes a boy manipulating you. She is like a prostitute to you. That is sin against God, since the person is God’s created and should not to be misused . And so when you use God’s creature in a way that is not allowed, then basically you will have a problem, not with the girl because after all the girl also enjoyed, you will have a problem with God who created the girl. Am I clear? You need to see casual sex as not something you can do.
But it is the same thing with masturbation. What is masturbation? Masturbation is not getting sexual release with another person, masturbation is sex with yourself.
Day 2
You will have these tassels to look at and so you will remember all the commands of the Lord, that you may obey them and not prostitute yourselves by chasing after the lusts of your own hearts and eyes
A lot of people, some of them maybe reading this, actually do masturbation arguing number one you will not get HIV. Number two, nobody will get pregnant. So they assume then it is okay to do masturbation. But are you getting the message of the scriptures? The message of the scriptures say, adultery is not just sexual penetration. The New Testament, adultery is not just when you sleep with a girl, adultery is when you imagine sleeping with a girl.
That in the New Testament, Jesus said, the definition of adultery, it is ..if you look at a woman lustfully…. it doesn’t say you have been tempted to commit adultery, you have already committed adultery. What that means is when you get those sexual feelings, the feelings themselves is what Christ is calling sin. Now, if imagining a girl and undressing her when you are still seated in church, and sleeping with her all in the mind does not mean you have been tempted, says you have already committed adultery.
The same way when you get sexual release outside the definition of God, it is sin. God says, if you want the sexual release, it can only be with a person of the opposite sex whom you have made long term commitment with. So if you want to get it through masturbation, you have a problem with God himself. And it is interesting how a lot of literature are talking about,talking against masturbation was the church trying to cheat us. But I have counseled one man after another, talking about the damage that masturbation did to him. Even after he is married he still can’t enjoy sex with his wife because he got used to having sex with himself. And he only began as a young person in the name of, I don’t want HIV. I do not want pregnancy…but I have sexual needs that masturbation can meet So you start having sex with yourself. That is immorality. The only way of managing sex is to go before God and do it his way. If that is not possible yet, then keep reminding yourself sex is not oxygen.
What about sex with another man who cannot get pregnant?
Romans 1:26 says,
because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts, even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones.
Then Leviticus says the same thing, Leviticus 18:22 says,
do not lie with a man as one lies with a woman. That is detestable.
Now, both verses are dealing with the issue of homosexuality. Again, just like masturbation is sin, if you want to get sexual release with another girl but a man, that’s what we are calling homosexuality, you will be disobeying God. He has said clearly, you must not lie with a man the way people lie with a woman. It will be wrong.
Romans says it is a sign that God has given you up. It means you have no relationship with God. And it means we must love homosexuals but we must declare homosexuality sin. Am I clear? Remember the homosexual is doing a sin just like you single and pregnant are also doing a sin. The homosexual are doing a sin just like if you are cheating in the exam you are sinning. And both are punishable.
So do not start looking at a homosexual as a person who is more sinful than others, or whatever category of sin you have, you are still sinful. And it will be important that we as a church must continue loving homosexuals, but do not mistake loving for condoning homosexuality. The scriptures, both the New and Old Testament, are absolutely clear, that sister you can be tempted, to sleep with another girl, my sister, but that is called a temptation.don’t do it. And just like you will be tempted to eat my chips before you buy them, but you don’t go eating my chips until you have money.
Day 3
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.
So you need to call sin, sin, and temptation, temptation. So homosexuality is actually sin. of course now in many countries in the West, the way I am speaking I can be prosecuted because you are not supposed to say such things. they are saying it is natural. Now, if natural means God created, and God himself has condemned it, can you see the trouble? You can’t call it natural and then God himself has condemned it. So we are not condemning you for the temptation, temptation is not sin, but you must fight it.
Even in earlier years as we were growing up, the temptation for a girl to sleep with another girl was still there, the temptation for a boy to sleep with another boy was still there. But the third point, we knew it is wrong. So, we never fell into it. But we are getting to where to be politically correct, we are talking like to be a homosexual is a victim of nature. Why are you condemning the victim…they ask We are kind of implying that you cannot condemn them. Now, if you cannot condemn a homosexual, you cannot condemn a girl who sleeps with a boy before the wedding day. Both of them are tempted, isn’t it?
But you need to understand that we are not treating homosexuality as anything special. It is exactly the same thing as any other sin. In fact that’s why I get surprised when they want to come and tell us how they sleep in bed. Even those who marry don’t go to speak about it in public. If you are a homosexual, why do you want the whole world to know you are homosexual? These are something done between bedsheets. It is not a public thing.
So why do you others to know you are a homosexual?For you to be coming to tell us, it means you want to convert us. Are you getting the message? Because there is would be no need to tell others. it will not be necessary. But the idea is I am a homosexual, I want more people to become homosexuals especially the youth. Otherwise, many people in bed do all kinds of things but we never to get hear it. But when a homosexual sleeps with another man, they even take pictures for us to see.
So what I am trying to say in this sexual management discussion? It will be important to understand that it is possible to be tempted to admire another girl when you are a girl but you must call it temptation and fight it as temptation. You must deal with it at that point.
It read what I have been referring to. Matthew 5:27-28,
you have heard it was said to those of old, you shall not commit adultery. But I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
Sin is not if you sleep with her, it is if you look at her with lust. Not that you have been tempted, no, it is that you have already committed adultery. We think as long as I only touched her, I didn’t sleep with her, then it was okay. But now God is going beyond that. I am now dealing with many young people that are involved in pecking. You understand what I mean by pecking? They don’t penetrate. For them the issue is I never penetrated her. Now, this Word is not even talking about touching, it is talking about thinking. So that even if you are talking about your girlfriend, for you to be kissing her, pecking her, and then you tell yourself when it is time I will run away is wrong. Now, why do you start something you have no intention of finishing?
Three problems; number one, you are raising that girl’s desire level and then leaving her dissatisfied. Is that loving? No.
Number two, you are actually already sinning because by enjoying what you are enjoying, you are getting sexual release without obeying God’s Word.
Number three, it is possible that in the process you will end up doing the thing you thought you cannot do.
Am I clear? And that’s why we are saying, given this new definition of sexual immorality, even if you are two weeks to the wedding, you must create boundaries within which you operate. You tell each other, I love you, but I actually don’t want to have sex with you until the wedding day. How shall we stop it? Create rules, not given by somebody else, the two of you, agreeing which rules will operate to stop possibility of lust. If you don’t, you will live to regret later. And you do not discuss those rules when you are in problems, you discuss them on a cool day when nobody is emotionally charged . Ask yourself, in case I am emotionally weak, how can you handle it? And you will agree. Slap from you friend may help , but please create other boundaries and clarity, on what needs to be done no to reach lust level.
Day 4
Jeremiah 29:11.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
Why is it important for us to do all that? Three things; number one, when you live a life that pleases God, then you obtain what God has already promised in Jeremiah 29:11. He has plan for your welfare
But if you enter into sin, God is still willing to forgive you but it will be very difficult for you to trust him.
So that the reason why you keep out of immorality because when you fall , mentally, spiritually, it starts interfering with your relationship with God and becomes difficult for you to continue trusting to fullfill his promises.
Number two, it is because if you do those immoral things, it will affect your professional ability, it will affect you reaching your potential, it will affect your social network, it will affect your interpersonal relationships, and that will also affect where you reach. Now nothing to do with God, So you need to understand clearly that the same girl who may have allowed you, the next time she says, you are the one who led me into this, and even that relationship will break, and many relationships will break. please let’s understand clearly. If your boyfriend cannot wait now and he has not even had sex once, when you are married, will he be able to wait? Remember we were told by the Englishman, practice makes perfect. So somebody who has regularly had sex, then you tell him to stop for three weeks because you are going to Japan, by the time you will come back he will tell you, you know I normally don’t take more than three days without sex?. You stayed three weeks.
Now, you need to understand clearly it will be very risky to marry someone who tells you,before marriage..I cannot wait. I can’t help it. If he can’t help it now, even later he will not help it. Because you see it is easier as a young person for you are not used to it. It will be harder as a married person. And that will interfere with your relationship.
I have written a book called Finding a Life Partner. The last chapter is on managing sexual drive. I hope I have clearly stated that unless you are abnormal, that sexual temptation is not a problem. the temptation itself, tells you, you are normal. So it is a gift from the Lord. So we are only talking about how to manage it.?
To manage these temptations do not think you are Mr. Everybody. One of the points I have put here is that one of the things that make people become immoral is the argument, everybody is doing it. Are you Mr. Everybody? No. you cannot do things the way your sister did it, you cannot do them the way your mother did it, you must do it the way God has called you. So it doesn’t matter what is in social media. I think that is an important point, you need to be careful that you are not taken up by what is there.
Everybody is doing it?, the trouble with that statement is that it is not true. Do you know up to now there are still girls who are marrying as virgins? If you are not a virgin don’t assume others are not. Up to now there are boys who are marrying, are boys also called virgins? Up to now there are boys that are marrying as virgins. The fact that you are not does not stop them being virgins. So don’t listen to such stateemnts.
And then I have discovered something else. I have never been a girl, so let me talk as a boy, but I have discovered something, boys like talking about sexual exploits, how many girls they are sleeping with. When you now corner them alone they say, I was just impressing them. He has never slept with anybody, but in the discussion he talked about how many he has slept with but he has never even slept with even one. So you will have to be a fool to copy him . Did you hear of some animals that agreed to go and beat the wives? Then one animal started beating a drum. The others thought he is beating the wife and then they started killing the wives.The following morning he still had a wife. They said, how come yours are alive? Oh, we were not foolish enough to do what you said. So you need to understand that this idea of everybody is doing it, you are not Mrs. Everybody.
Day 5
Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.
In a different area somebody will tell you, you are poor because you are not corrupt. And it happens to be true in Kenya. Many rich people are corrupt, isn’t it? I am older than you, so I have been told that many times. How can you be in such a job and come out with nothing? What is wrong with you? Unalalia masikio…. You are not making use of your ears .You need to understand that you have your own biblical standards, and those standards cannot in any way be changed because of your poverty.
Let me give you another example. you hear that witchdoctor is able to heal a disease and you have the disease yourself . yet you are a Christian. And normally Christians don’t backslide at night and go to be treated by a witchdoctor. And of course the demons he has will also enter you if you go to him for help. Now, you need to understand clearly the fact that you are sick and about to die does not give you permission to require the devil’s help for you to get better.
You must be ready to die rather than compromising with the evil one. And you see sickness is a big issue. Similarly someone might tell because you are thirties and have never had sex you are sick and only sex will cure you. So she is now being told she is going to die.I will give you the medicine,... start being sexually active. Yet the Bible does not allow you to be sexually active. So you are better off refusing that medicine and go to heaven than try to sin. And I am sure if she went to a Christian doctor, which is what I would recommend, if she want to a Christian doctor she would be advised how else to do it.
So the first thing I wanted to say is, that advise will be available in many places, where the advise you are getting does not agree with the Bible look for an alternative opinion.. The Bible is always the right one to follow because God created you, He understands your body. He is the best advisor. Number two, go to a Christian counselor .look for another doctor who is a Christian so that you can get advise on how to deal with it within bible requiremnts.
Sexual exposure is wrong given what we have discussed above. Let me tell you something; the Word of God is saying if you look at a woman lustfully, you have already committed adultery. So you are going to hell. But let me ask you a question; the girl who is dressed in order to tempt you, will you go to hell and she does not go to hell? She will go to hell also, because her dressing was evil. you know you look at a girl and you can see it is too low from up and too high from below, and you ask her, what is she up to? And some of them you lead worship at the front. Does that happen? Yeah. So you ask yourself clearly, if the person who is being tempted will go to hell, you are the one who has allowed the devil to use you, will you go to heaven? So we need always be our brothers keeper in our dressing. the boys are the same. There is a way the boy can dress...in a way that makes the girl imagine how he would be in bed. Now, you need to understand that girl will go to hell for imagining, you will join her there for tempting her. It is a very important thing to understand. So dressing, you must dress in a way that you will become your brother’s keeper. So you cannot claim, my dress my choice. It is not your choice, it is God’s choice. The Lord has already dictated how you are going to do it. And I think that will be very important to deal with that expectation.
Day 6
They are well-fed, lusty stallions, each neighing for another man’s wife
Why are we blindly copying western culture, for example in TV and social media. By the way it is not very difficult to stop it.. People think that the current young people are going through a harder time than we went through. It is not true. You see, let me tell you the problem of the sixties. When we were young, you got circumcised and during circumcision you were told how to deal with a woman. And you are a form two. at least in Kikuyu land it used to happen when we were form twos or form threes. Now, all that information in the name of counseling you in adulthood did not follow the bible. By the time you go back to high school you want to try whether it is true. Now, you need to understand it was not social media but it still affected boys.? It is happening in the village even now. They make you think there is something wrong with you.So after two years, your circumcision group, ask, have you tried? No. You will get sick.
Thus you need to understand clearly the youth sexual struggle has always been there. Why has the struggle been there? Because the devil of the sixties is the devil of 2025. He has not changed. He can change the style but he is the same devil. So in the same way the social media sexual pressure…, you need to understand that it is a choice you made. You put boundaries to what you can see and what you cannot see. Do you know even the Sunday Nation newspaper has immoral things? Just go through it.
If you came to my high school in 1968, the thing I struggled with then, and it didn’t last very long was checking the stars in the Nation Newspaper. You know having come from the village I never heard of the stars prediction. Now I knew everybody has a star..depending on when you were born. So the star said you would be angry today for example. Then you spent the whole day being angry because the star said you should be angry. By the time I realized it is not scriptural,I was surprised. I was a Christian boy but nobody had helped me on the matter. I struggled with it.
So you need to understand that it is a choice you make. From that time, that’s almost sixty years ago, I never look at stars because I realized they are written for demon worshippers and I am not part of them. So it doesn’t bother me any more.
I was the chief librarian in our high school, so I had the newspaper to myself everyday, but the page of stars never bothered me. And I have never been tempted after that. You know there are some other things I am tempted with. The devil knows where to tempt me. That is one matter.
So you need to understand in social media today, when we start relating,you avoid the wrong pages. Like you if you are following somebody who is immoral, you cannot say that you are being influenced correctly. The choice is yours. You are following the wrong guys.
I keep saying, one of the most dangerous things is who your celeb. Whoever becomes your celeb becomes your influencer. You will never be able to criticize a celeb. One of the biggest celebs we have is Mandela, first president of independent South Africa. The whole world agrees ... But do you know you could not believe the kind of life he lived in some aspects as good as he was?. He came out of prison,he dumped the woman who had waited for him for twenty seven years. What is her name? Winnie. And you ask, is that an example for you to follow? Whatever evil the woman had done, somebody who forgave the white who had tortured him to almost thirty years.., can’t he forgive his own wife.
But you know when you have a celeb you never criticize them. So I am sure what I am saying is not something you read about. It is not written much.Somebody, you cannot say negative about, is your celeb. As if that’s not bad enough, do you know he stayed with his new wife like a boy falling in love? He started staying with Machel’s wife before wedding. And I said, surely, he is almost eighty. Can’t he wait for the wedding? What a bad example.But they stayed together and wedded later. Am I giving the correct history? But do you read about it? No.
But you know it makes people start thinking it is normal to do what he did. It is okay if a celeb did it. We must look for an excuse for Mandela. But sin is sin. But you don’t say that.
So you need to understand if you tell me your celeb, I know your values. Your celeb determines your values. You never criticize your celeb. So the social media is the same. You have to make up your mind who is going to influence you.
You know, if your father is the village drunkard and I start condemning you for it, certainly there is something wrong in me, because you never put an application; God I want to be born by a drunkard. Did you apply? No. But if your friend is a drug addict, and he is your friend, I have a right to condemn you. Your friend is your choice. Am I right? Your father is not your choice but your friend is your choice. So the same way with social media, it is you choosing. You know the same social media has a lot of Christian information. It has a lot of Christian films, has a lot of many things that help us to grow as Christians, but the choice is yours. So I just hope that you will get that.
Day 7
But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.
I have repeated several times, create boundaries. Nobody will arrive anywhere important without creating boundaries. Even in terms of going up the career ladder, it will not be possible if you don’t create boundaries. That means some people will be joking but you are in the library reading. They will say you are a book worm, they even make fun of you. And you realize my ... says, I will only start playing at four. I will not go there until four. And anybody who becomes anything in life will have created boundaries. Those boundaries will be tempted, he will stick with the boundaries.
That’s why the other word you need as a Christian is a discipline. And the route of a disciple is discipline. So you cannot be a Christian without being a disciple and you cannot be a disciple unless you are a Christian. And what is discipline? Living within boundaries. First of all setting them and then living within them. That will be a very important thing.
So have seen masturbation is the hiding place for the immoral who do not want pregnancy or or HIV.For masturbation is sex without involving anybody else. It involves touching your private parts until you finally reach the sexual climax. Not somebody else touching you, you are touching yourself. And boys will touch themselves until they ejaculate, then feel relieved, and then go on with their business. Girls will reach that level also.
Am told there are shops even in kenya red districts, where they have gadgets to help you to masturbate better. What is wrong with it? I quoted for you Matthew, it is saying any lust that gives the sexual release, even if you are not physically having sex, the Bible is telling us, it is not that you have been tempted, you have already committed adultery. So Jesus has moved it from the precincts of a bedroom to the pages of the mind,thought that gives you sexual release outside sleeping with a person of the opposite sex whom you have committed yourself in advance to, it is immorality.
So the first thing is it is wrong because it is breaking the principle of Matthew chapter five on sex in the mind. Number two we saw it is wrong because it is addictive. These are the reasons why you should never attempt even worse either to watch pornography or touch your self.
Addiction means, you did it once, then you felt forced to do it second tine ,then for three weeks, after that even if you want to stop you can’t stop. And I have prayed with many people who want to stop but they are unable to stop. It is just like alcohol. You start with a little wine, you reach a level where even if you want to stop you cannot stop. The same way with cigarettes.
So understand, what is wrong with masturbation? It has ruined many marriages. When a man who got used to that is unavailable to the wife because he himself is getting himself satisfied somewhere else by himself, arguing he is not an adulterer. The marriage finally collapses just because the boy learn how to masturbate in his youth. But I am giving you the impression it is boys only. Even girls go through the same thing, and your marriage will be in trouble once your wife is somebody who does what? Masturbates.
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