John N N Nganga Meditation Of 3rd June 2024 Preparing For Old Age own money together as a couple part 2.

Day 1

The issue of family budgeting is in my YouTube account. But let me quickly say whenever I am talking to families about budgeting, I always add that we must have what is called contingency item. What is contingency? I worked for a multinational for a long time. And we were allowed to beyond the agreed budget with good reasons. You could go over or below five percent and you do not have to explain much. You still got your good assessment for possible promotion. You still got your bonus even if you had used the money beyond budget by five percent. It is called contingency allowance. Contingency means it is money you can use without explanation.

And because even in marriages we can suffocate each other with budget, it is important that every marriage allows five percent allowance which is not in the budget. It means the wife can buy her underwear without asking for money from the husband. It is embarrassing for the wife to have to put in the budget money for underwear.

 

The same thing, if I meet my friend in town, he does not have to ring Mrs. to say, I have just met Ng’ang’a, could I buy him a soda? No. Surely, there needs to be contingency money that allows him to buy me soda without having to seek approval. As long as you are not using any money above the five percent, you have the freedom to use it and explain later. But beyond five percent, any organization will tell you, you are entering into confusion.So, I am not suggesting that you cannot buy your wife a handkerchief, but I think for most of us and our level of income, you cannot take her to Italy tour on contingency. But you can buy her a handkerchief as a gift. During her birthday you can buy her something. But if it is something big you want to do in her birthday, it must be brought to the budgeting table, and say, you know I am thinking in your next birthday we need to use money to tour Italy. She needs to agree with you even if she is the beneficiary. It needs to be in the budgetary scheme. That is what really, we are talking about when we talk about complete transparency in finances.

 

Transparency also means lack of shame. No shame when your weaknesses are noted. Adam and eve felt no shame. My friend, my understanding of that is that irrespective of what money you have or do not have, it will be important to understand whether little or much you do not feel ashamed about the other knowing about your income. You know sometimes the wife is so embarrassed about their poverty that she does not even want to tell the parents to visit. That means you are embarrassed about your level of income. Adam felt no shame. It is a very dangerous thing to be ashamed of your condition, to be ashamed of your husband, to be ashamed of your wife.It is very, very important to be proud about your spouse. marriage thrives on that pride that God gave me this spouse. Remember, that is why the white man said that beauty is in the eye of the beholder. the ugliest woman to her husband she is very beautiful. And he is not pretending, he believes it. He believes that she is beautiful, and he knows it to be true whatever your view; she is beautiful.

 

So, what we are saying about financial management? A lot of women, for example, use a lot of money on dresses and husbands use a lot of money in trying to impress others. My friend, the moment you are embarrassed about your condition, your budget will not be relied on. You are going to end up using money outside the budget in order to impress others. The first thing I am recommending here is for you to accept the condition you are in. Why? Any money you have is God’s money, only put under your care. I have written a whole book on it; it is called A Leader as a Steward. And I emphasize in that book that any income Rebecca and I have is actually not ours, it belongs to God. And God is interested on how we shall use it all. What that means, when we have little money, we are not poor, when we have a lot of money, we are not rich. Whether little or much, we are just stewards of God’s money.

 

Day 2

 

Thus, if God has given you only a little to look after there will be no problem as long as He has chosen what to give you. Did you note in Matthew chapter twenty-five, the guy who brought ten back, and the other one brought four back, they were both given the same reward. Well, done good and faithful servant, enter into your master’s rent. Even the guy with one talent was not condemned for having one talent, he was condemned for not investing it. And it is important then to understand in our Master’s view, He does not regard the ones who are richer as better than the ones who are poorer. So, we need to come to where we work very hard, believing that God will bless the work of our hands. But if after working so hard all we have is this little, we should be happy that God has given it and ask him, God we still pray for more but for now, we are happy with what we have.

 

Now, that is really the view you need to have as you plan your marriage finances. That God is the one who is going to provide. He says in Deuteronomy, I am the one who gives you the wisdom to make wealth, the ability to make profit. Therefore, any income you will have is a gift from God, it is God’s provision. So, you should not be embarrassed with the little both of you have.

Why am I saying that? Let me repeat myself; because the moment you are not happy where you are, you will start blaming each other. And I am not suggesting that you should not be ambitious for more, but you should be happy where you are even as you are ambitious for more.

If you are happy, number one, you will start looking for who to blame, and you will start blaming your husband and that will affect your marriage, you start blaming your wife and that will affect your marriage. Number two, when you are not happy you become ungrateful to God. And lack of thanks is one of the problems that will give you spiritual problems. Number three, when you are ashamed of what you have, you are likely to start playing games, pretending, and using money, coning other as you are trying to be richer than you are. And that will condemn you to operating above your means.

 

A biblical marriage always operates within their means since you are happy to be where you are. If you cannot afford a car you are happy on number eleven – two legs. Walking. And you are happily walking. When God wants to give you a bicycle He will, when He wants to give you a car He will. All I am saying does not imply it is okay to be lazy. In my own view, there will be more people in hell because they were lazy than there will be because they were drunkards. However, both sins will get into hell, whether it is laziness or drunkenness. So, to have a lazy wife who just wants to depend on her husband and does not want to contribute in any way, she will have a problem with her husband. Her husband might not be able to look after her. But God will ask her; what did you do with the time I gave you? What did you do with the skills I gave you? So, a wife needs to do their best economically for the good of the family.

The same way, these husbands who are relying and depending on their wives economically, hardly doing anything, are wrong. Remember we said from the beginning, your wife can earn more, but you can’t earn nothing. You must be contributing to the economy of the marriage. So, we are not suggesting about only one party providing. Both of them must be doing their very best to the glory of God. God wants diligence. And it will be important that you have it.

 

Thus, having much or little money does not really matter. You know the belief about money is the problem, never about money. If you believe money is that important, the love of money, that is why there will be a problem. And it will be very, very important to understand that. And what I am trying to say in this point is that if you do not know how to manage little money, when you get more there will be certainly trouble in your own marriage.

You know I still remember we had just gotten a mortgage house, when we were newly married, a mortgage house. And we went in there as soon as we were given the keys. Of course, that is over forty years ago. But we had no lights, for two or three months. Kenya power kept saying, next Thursday, we are coming to connect on Tuesday. And we wondered, surely, we should not have left our rented house. Since we are using a candle, it meant if you are in the kitchen, it is all of us, we were only three of us. there was only one child. When you go to the toilet, a challenge. Now, there was such a level of togetherness, caused by lack of light.

 

Day 3

 

My friend, you need to understand that lack of money is not a problem, it is your attitude to it that is. I keep telling people, lack of a car is not your problem. You keep thinking, if only we had a car, my wife would not be pushing me so hard. Wait until you get a car. You know earlier he could leave you; he comes with the matatu. He goes with the first matatu when you are going to church, and you come with the second one. The moment you have one car, your wife can’t come by, by matatu, and you go because you are the one preaching. How can you leave us, she asks? What kind of preaching will you be doing? So, you wait. Then both of you are late. By the time you are arriving in church you can hardly preach due to your anger. You are so unhappy your wife got you late. Can you imagine before you had a car, you thought the car would sort out your problems. The truth is, you now have a car, and because it is one car, it is causing you trouble because now you have to agree in advance as you go to work in the morning how you will operate in the evening.

 

As long as you had one car, you used to share everything. Now with two cars you do not share, and in the process, you cause yourself trouble. I hope you can get what I am trying to talk about. If you do not have the principles of sharing when with one another, it will be made worse when you have two cars.

So do not think that if you do not sort out your problem now, that when you get richer the problem will be sorted out. The thing I have been emphasizing all through is, recognize God’s ownership of everything you possess. Please understand you are just a steward. So, the first solution to managing family finances is the recognition it is not the wife’s money, it is not the husband’s money, it is God’s money allocated to the two of you to manage. In your home, He must not be the unseen visitor. You have gone to a homestead, you have seen a placard written, Jesus is the unseen visitor. No, no, no. That is not a Christian plaque. A Christian plaque, when Jesus comes, He is a master and Lord of your home.

 

We do not talk about Jesus during Christmas, coming as a baby. No. He is the King of kings and Lord of Lords. He is coming as judge. So, when you become a Christian, He comes to your home as Lord. He is the one who calls the shot. So, you need to understand clearly, He is in your home and must direct how you use your money since you are only stewards of what God has given you.So, what I am really saying is that money must be seen and treated as a servant not Master. Jesus is your master and must remain so even when money increase. Balancing issue. Much of life is a question of maintaining a balance. In your personal finances, we must retain a balance between income and expenses. And that is why family budget is not optional. It is a must. You cannot have a biblically run marriage without a common budget, whether you do it once a week or once a month or once a year, the important thing is you have agreed how to spend money. But do not just agree. It is not a budget if it only talks about the expenses. It is called a budget when it balances. If it is not balancing it is not a budget. You must ensure that you are not planning to use more money than the income you believe God will give you. It will be very important. You must find a balance in everything you do. You still must do the things that must be done. You must eat, and you must have a balanced diet. But the balanced diet can be done at  any income.

 

Day 4

 

You must exercise. Exercising can be done by becoming a member of a gym at a very expensive price, or just by walking around. And it can be very expensive. Before I retired, Shell had paid for a gym, and I think that more than fifteen years ago it was more than a hundred thousand Kenya shillings. Once I retired things changed. But I am still exercising. I try to do four kilometres a day of walking or swim. Walking costs me absolutely nothing. So, you can budget on the level you want. And I am not asking you to think poverty mindset. I am saying, be where God has placed you economically.

You also need to rest. And it is the same thing with rest. You can take rest by going to your home village where it is only your mother left, so nobody is disturbing you. Or you can go to Mombasa in expensive hotel. Where you choose should be dictated by the money God has given you. All I am saying is you must live within your means. You must maintain a balance.

 

There is a question on debts. What is my general take on debts? Maybe you can note that down, I read one more. What is your general take on debts and loans?

 

I will comment about loans. And I want to say three things about loans. Number one, you should never take a loan except as agreed by both of you. Of course, it does not mean that if you are in a savings cooperative in your place of work, your wife’s name will appear. But you do not take that loan without your wife’s knowledge. You know why? If you were to die suddenly, the people you owe money will be on your wife. She will not know whether it is a genuine debt, or they are trying to cheat her. It is bad to think you can take a loan or borrow money of any nature, without your spouse knowing. And I think that is a very, very important thing, because a lot of people are left with a lot of problems at a later stage.

Number two, you should be of the view that you are better off at zero than negative and debts can give a negative net worth. When you are poor, and you have no loans, you are at zero. When you have a loan, you are negative. That is why a lot of people end up in trouble because you see him driving a big car or live in big houses. One day he loses his job, and he has to leave the house. he has to leave everything. And because he was actually not at zero, he was negative, that family goes through a very, very big problem. So, I am again not suggesting you do not take loans, already even at my age I still take loans. Not too long ago I took a loan. So, Rebecca and I know there is a loan we must clear. So, we are not suggesting in any way you do not take a loan, but those two principles are very important before you take a loan. Do not take a loan for the sake of it.

 

But the third point is very important, for every loan you take, you must first of all assume what I call the worst-case scenario. This principle is a very important principle. It is also taught by the guy who wrote Think Big. Ben Carson. That when he was doing his surgeries, he always started with the worst-case scenario. If you are trying to separate Siamese twins, what is the worst-case scenario? And you can see so that even if the worst happens, you have actually considered it. You should never take a loan without first of all assuming, I might in un unlikely event unable to pay, how will we manage it? The moment you know how to manage in case you are unable to pay, take the loan. Remember the reason you are unable to pay is not deliberate. You may lose a job suddenly. Something, the owner of the money may call on it earlier. There are a lot of things that are out of your control. Do not think anybody unable to pay money is because they are bad at managing money. There are many reasons that can cause you to be unable to pay money. So, you must first of all assume you will be unable to pay money. If you do, what will happen? That way you are forced to go into God’s hands, in prayer. It means that every loan you take, you take it in prayer. And because you are taking it on the basis of God leading you, you know that He will help you not to go into debts. But in the worst-case scenario, if He allows you to go into debts, you are not in shock. We will not come rushing you to hospital because you are in shock. Because you knew it could happen, you thought about what you will do, but of course the worst case has happened. But you knew it could happen. Those are three principles I try, or we try to follow when taking a loan.

 

Day 5

 

What’s my take on a young couple where the wife has a more stable employment, and they agree with the husband for him to sit at home and babysit as the wife works to meet the needs of the family? What will be the balance between the man being the primary provider versus managing the situation at hand?

 

You know that is a very nice family. First of all, we must give them credit. It means the husband is not asked to stay at home, they are discussing and agree on it. He has only suggested. Given what our children are going through, and the age they happen to be in, one of us needs to stop working so that they we are more flexible in the way we bring up our babies. Which of us two should do it? If you say the husband who is earning the fifty thousand is the one to remain at work, and the wife who is earning a hundred thousand is the one to change employment, will that be good for the common economy? Certainly not.So, you can see clearly what is wrong is for a husband to choose to stay home in order for the wife to look after him. But if it is an agreement between the two and they have done what is best, for the family that will be okay. That is my first point.

 

The second point; you need to understand that the fact that you are not employed does not mean you do not work. Most of our parents never got employed. Like my mother never got employed. But she paid my school fees. I still can remember what she was doing with my younger brother. When she was cultivating, she would put the baby ahead then, cultivate, cultivate, cultivate and when she reaches the baby, she takes the baby, suckles the baby, then puts the baby further ahead. You know a lot of people think that our mothers were not working. That is a lot of work. By the time she goes home, she has been both a mother, available to the child and economically she is the one who has provided for the family.

So similarly, a man who stops employment does not mean he stops working. It means he now starts working on a job that can be combined, number one, with the availability to the children, number two with ability to go where she needs to go to earn daily bread. And for example, these days there are jobs on the internet, like writing papers for people at a fee. My friend, you can do that and earn not as much money as you are earning at work, but you are still earning. So, what happens is not that the husband stopped being a provider, it is that he provides less. But is he really providing less? The sacrifice of his job in terms of the joy of working where he was working, the sacrifice of availability to the child. How much you should pay him for working there? Can you see he is the one facilitating the money the wife is having? So, in the end working to look after your children is actually working. You are actually contributing to the family. So, I think there would be no problem. However, if it is the wife looking down on the husband and says, surely, you earn peanuts. Why do not you just sit at home? There will be chaos in that family. Even if the husband agrees and goes home, he will be crying throughout the day, then pretending to smile when you arrive. It is very important to understand that it is not something that is good to risk unless you have a very good wife. It needs to be a matter that the two of them have thought about for a long time because the risks are real. A stay home husband, given our culture, can cause chaos in a marriage. It is not in your interest to tell a man to stay at home, not because he is a Christian but because he is an African, you know, it can be quite a chaotic thing.

 

Day 6

 

There was a lady who never disclosed how much loans she had during their courtship, then they get married, they both realize they are in trouble. Just some counsel to that young couple there, where the husband gets to learn that their difficulties in marriage have to do with undisclosed loans.

 

I think firstly to blame is us. If that person is reading this, we did not help them before they got married. We did not use the time well in premarital class. Our ministry to singles is wanting. So, there are possibilities, the girl did not know much, and felt, the loans are my loans alone. It is my problem. Even after we are married, I am the one to pay them back. I am earning enough to pay for them. So, she did not see why she should tell the husband. That is bad. What we call pre-marital counselling, was bad pre-marital counselling. So, before we blame them, we better see the possibility of bad pre-marital counselling being the cause. But there is also a possibility that she is well taught but did not want to be dumped by the potential husband. She said, if I tell him the kind of loans I have, I will be dumped. So, she blackmailed him, which is sinful. And she needs to repent, if that is what she actually did. That you wanted that, by the time he discovers it is too late to dump you. Some people do that. If you are a Luhya, you did not tell your wife that you had a child out of wedlock. And you know among the Luhyas, the child will finally be brought to the new wife anyway. So why did not you say it before you were married? Now after she is married what can she do? She has to look after your son. Now, it is wrong. And that needs to be said very, very clearly. But before we condemn her, let us consider several alternatives as to why she ends up there. I am actually talking to the husband. I know it is very disappointing, but call a family meeting, the two of you, and tell her how disappointed you are. Find out from her what caused her to do it. Whatever answer she gives you, what she requires out of you, for your own sake, not even for her sake, for her own sake, is forgiveness. Please forgive her.

 

Having forgiven her, remember when you took her, you took her debits and credits. It means her loans became yours automatically. So, it means then you now have to sit together as a couple to agree, not her money to pay back the loan but how the two of you, can you look at the loan and the repayment schedule vs your combined income. If the loan repayment is too high, go back to the people who loaned and ask them to do what in banking terms is called rescheduling the loans. So that if you say instead of five years, I will pay in ten years, it will lower the payment per month and that way you can be able to last.But let it not remain a grudge. If it remains a grudge, it will start a grudge on money, but it will soon be a grudge in the bedroom. It will be soon a grudge in the way you bring up children. It will be a poison that totally destroys your marriage. So, husband, sorry for what you have found out, but God has a solution. We are told, for God so loved the world, including evil people, including witchdoctors, all of them He loved them, that He gave his only begotten Son. Similarly, be like Jesus. Give yourself to your unreasonable wife and help to plan the future. You know as soon as you forgive her, and as soon as you plan how to pay together, that problem will no longer be a problem in your marriage.

 

Day 7

 

We have a few engaged couples reading this planning to get married soon. And like I said there is need for that pre-marital class on finances. During courtship, must I as man take care of the needs of my girl?

That is a very good question. You see, if you start sharing money before the wedding, you are married before the wedding. Remember I said marriage is the economies becoming together. If the economies came together before marriage, I see three problems.Number one, the wedding will be a joke because you are married even earlier. Number two, which is very important, is that you have only said you will get married next year if the Lord wills. You are now removing if the Lord wills. You have assumed that you are now married. You are as good as married. What about if you start using the money and then she decides she does not like you? Many, many people, by the way,, we have gone through that. This is where you educate the girl, once she has graduated, and looks at you and you are a primary school teacher, she says, surely you and me, where will we be taking each other? Tupelekane wapi? But you are the one who paid the school fees.

 

It is important to understand I do not recommend joint economies before the wedding. However, when it comes to the wedding itself, after the wedding you have to plan it together, budget it together as a couple. Before then, let the two of you run separate economies, and then with the joint economy from the wedding day. Of course, that does not mean they do not buy each other coffee. No, no, no. Remember you still have the contingency item.If you feel you want to give a gift and it is within your personal budget, remember as a single person it is your own budget, give it. So, you can even give a hundred thousand shillings. But do not give it because she is your wife, or because she is becoming your wife. You are just generous. If she drops you, she owes you nothing. So even if she dumps you, you had already thought of the possibility, because of saying you will marry if the Lord wills. If the Lord does not will, you will not go biting your finger. You did not lose your money, you gave it.So, I am not suggesting you cannot give money, but you should not run finances together, so she cannot have expectations on you. It is not right that you are not yet married but she expects you to run her house budget, pay her rent, whatever. That is what I am saying is wrong. But you, without being asked by the girl, can decide to help.

 

 

 

 

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